Day One of shooting for my final project this quarter is over--and I'm nowhere near as glad as I'm sure my lead actor, Jan, is. Poor motherfucker has to start his mail route at 7 this morning, but he leaves at 6 for it...and we didn't wrap until 245am.
"Perfectionism" is a curse and a blessing--but if that's true, then why haven't my films gelled so far? I've sure put the effort into them, but there are no A's for effort. It's what's on the screen that matters, not what'snot--unless that's the point, but that's besides the point. One thing I've realized about my sense of "perfectionism" is that I do and do and do and do and it still seems like I never quite get the things I want to get right, right. I think in the moment, I just need to push forward and that if I persevere, I'll make it through the other side. But something I'd like to start teaching myself to do is to realize what it is that isn't working, not just my gut feeling, and taking the time to pause and solve the problem before repeating the take. I could tell Jan was getting testy with me, and I don't blame him. I just hope I don't let him down and the massively unnecessary time committment he put into this thing. I almost don't even care if I let myself down, just as long as I do justice to the effort he put into the thing.
Of course, I hope that by doing justice to his effort, I will do right by my own.
About to be Watching: Apocalypse Now
But still Listening to: The Fountain soundtrack